May 14th 2011 - When i woke up today,I expected to feel ,if not a burst of exhilaration, at least a trickle of joy. But all i could sense was hollow emptiness bordered with nostalgia. Fleeting glimpses of my fantabulous(for the lack of a better word) childhood passed through my head.Will i ever surround myself with oodles of barbies(bewitched by the golden hair)and lose track of time? Can i fritter away countless number of hours in the children's section, transporting myself to the monopolizing world of Malory towers or Hogwarts ever again? Should i suppress a shriek or turn a deep shade of red when a high pitched giggle escapes my mouth on meeting a long lost friend at the mall? Is it still OK to barge into my parents' room and cuddle up between them when the hallucinations(?!) about deadly roaches haunt me in the wee hours? May i cling to every embossed memory of free flowing adulation received from my loved ones? The 'child' in me has risen, mightier than before,petrified that 'it' might be abandoned FOREVER.
So what does "turning eighteen" signify? Sure I want to "grow"(not an inch taller though..like making eye contact with people without bending my neck isn't hard enough already!)maybe the word evolve would be better..yeah 'evolve' into a serious, mature,level headed being but does that mean i have to don the air of someone who is prim and proper, shedding some of my child like ingenuity?Will I officially be bestowed with the aura of womanhood?(bah! don't like the way it sounds:P) Maybe all the adjectives describing a fine lady will embed themselves in my personality, unconsciously of course;)..I'm terrified of the transition..I would rather be suspended in between..just left hanging in mid air..deliriously obtaining the best of both worlds..seeking solace in my comfort zone,oblivious to the surroundings.Maybe this is cowardice..a convenient escape from reality..but its perfect..FOR NOW :)
So what does "turning eighteen" signify? Sure I want to "grow"(not an inch taller though..like making eye contact with people without bending my neck isn't hard enough already!)maybe the word evolve would be better..yeah 'evolve' into a serious, mature,level headed being but does that mean i have to don the air of someone who is prim and proper, shedding some of my child like ingenuity?Will I officially be bestowed with the aura of womanhood?(bah! don't like the way it sounds:P) Maybe all the adjectives describing a fine lady will embed themselves in my personality, unconsciously of course;)..I'm terrified of the transition..I would rather be suspended in between..just left hanging in mid air..deliriously obtaining the best of both worlds..seeking solace in my comfort zone,oblivious to the surroundings.Maybe this is cowardice..a convenient escape from reality..but its perfect..FOR NOW :)
Very interesting article Gowri! Really heartening to see this excellently worded article and good to know that you already have an excellent vocabulary. You to give out exactly what you feel through the words you have used.
ReplyDeleteAbout the Article that you have written, well it is something that most people go through and in time you'll find your space too. All the Best to a Great future!! :)
Awesome gowz.!! itz lovely..Well, wat more can I say..Welcome to Womanhood!!...a perfect melange of Misery n Bliss !! :) u seemed to hv inspired me to resume my blog writin..thx 4 dat :P
ReplyDeleteWell written gowz. Very true, transformation is really scary. But it happens as flower blossoms, as minute needle moves on the clock, as sun raises from horizon. You can only know it happened, but never can witness the same.
ReplyDeleteYea.. you have inspired me as well to continue my blogging. My blog has really caught dust. :)
So Gowrz, welcome to Adult hood :o).. But you will always be our put-gowri. Enjoy each moment of your life dear. Some moments wont even come back.
Bangari,
ReplyDeleteWhether you are eighteen or eighty years old,for us you are always our sweet 'puttukuri'.You are always welcome to barge into our room and cuddle up between us(in fact it gives assurance to us that we are still wanted!).When I was eighteen,so many thoughts/doubts never occurred to me.I just crossed that bridge very normally.But your provocative write up has made me turn pages of my life and look back.Don't worry the transition to womanhood will be smooth and you will enjoy it as you enjoyed your childhood.Very proud to have a wonderful daughter like you-Amma
dear gow,
ReplyDeletedon't worry,even if you are 18,or 28,or 48 like me will always behave both childishly and maturely as the occasion demands.
you will and can scream your lungs out or giggle
when you meet your friends in mall ,read fantasy stories,and enjoy all you did in childhood in addition to charms of being a woman.
i do.:)
doddamma.
thanks a lot for your support and much needed advice..love you guys:))
ReplyDelete